From spirits to spirituality

In Costa Rica limes match the color of tequila

Reading this article could begin a beautiful transformation if you realize you don't want to be drinking your life away anymore.

I started drinking alcohol at 13 and stopped at 33.Cheers to my journey from vodka to ceremonial cacao.

Born in Ukraine, I remember everyone was drinking, and anyone refusing a shot was considered sick. Still, even disease was not an acceptable excuse. The saying goes: "There is no good reason not to drink." meaning in sadness and happiness - drink. My family drank mainly to celebrate. There is an unspoken rule: 2 drinks are a bare minimum, 3 - customary, and celebration is until there is no more vodka left. 

I accidentally sipped vodka when I was 5, my mom let me try beer when I turned 8, and at 13, I rang in the New Year of 2000 with a generous portion of champagne. So that year, I decided to explore alcohol and its effects on my body, and I didn't stop for 20 years. Getting access to the liquor was a breeze. Either someone's parents were brewing it at home, or any grocery store would sell it to you on a good day.

I remember going on a day trip with a whole class the spring before I moved to Germany. A group of cool kids planned to bring a big bottle of cheap vodka to make it memorable. On the way there, I became upset because the guy I liked was flirting with the girl I didn't like. Somehow I knew that if I drank a ridiculous amount of vodka, I would: A. get attention, B. not care, and C. dare to flirt with him myself. Indeed that's precisely what happened, and the guy was making out with me on the way home. That's when I adopted a belief alcohol can change reality - fast. 

Sake tasting in Seattle

In my late teens, I was working at a nightclub bar in Germany. The owner allowed us to drink for free, so when someone wanted to buy me a drink, I would collect the money as tips - it was like heaven! Was that when I got addicted to clubbing on the weekends?

When I moved to the United States at the age of 20 and realized alcohol was prohibited until 21, I was laughing hysterically. Don't they know I have been drinking since 13? Clubbing with cross-marked hands was less fun as the alcohol effects from pre-drinking would fade quickly. Who wants to be sober after midnight when DJ puts on the best hits?

Wine tasting in Charlotte

Closer to the 30s, the drinking wasn't only on the weekends. It was more like Monday through Thursday were wine nights, Friday night - tequila shots, Saturday Day - IPA, Saturday night - vodka red bulls, and Sunday all-you-can-drink mimosas. One would think a DWI would make me quit, but it only stopped me from driving drunk, not drinking. In fact, now that I didn't have to worry about driving home, I increased my drinking efforts. 

All while operating a successful business, I was aware that alcohol keeps me going. It was a simple, socially acceptable fuel that allowed me to enjoy myself more while working towards achieving my goals. 

Drinking accelerated during my worldly travels. Sometimes I would start a day with a 5 am shot before the excursion and enjoy liquid courage at casino all-nighters. Not to mention the complimentary offerings on international flights. They would always start and complete every trip.

32nd birthday breakfast after a wild celebration night in Vancouver (last birthday drink)

That lifestyle continued until I visited Vancouver on my 32nd birthday to see wild orca whales. That city was the capital of health junkies, Nature lovers and somehow had a different vibe from anywhere I traveled. Waking up extremely hungover after my birthday, I decided to give drinking a break. That day I went to watch the fireworks, and I met him.

He was a Brazilian triathlete, and somehow he liked me enough to show me around for a few more days that I had left. There I quit smoking cigarettes. I wanted him to be mine, and I knew chugging vodka from the bottle would not entice this kind of guy. So I intended to quit and even bought a bike. But, unfortunately, the hormonal uplift didn't last, as long-distance dating wasn't for me. 

Biking in Vancouver with the guy who helped me shift.

I ended up soothing my sore feelings with a good old friend - vodka. Nonetheless, there was a shift. This guy caused a redirect simply by showing me a different way of living and a video of Sadhguru. 

Next year when Covid closures hit, my travel got limited to a local breathwork retreat. I brought a full flask to last me through the weekend with strangers, yet when I got there, the handout said no alcohol! Angry at the organizers and myself for booking this, I threw my vodka in the trash bin. I have not touched alcohol in almost 3 years ever since.

My sobriety stick loaded with energy of my initial decision hangs on my wall

Magical transformations started happening. I became aware of many things I was trying to ignore with the help of alcohol. The relationship without alcohol was a rollercoaster of emotions without tools to regulate them. I had to face my triggers, dissatisfaction, and frustration. I could not run away to an exotic destination, and I was firm in my decision not to return to the bottle. That is when I learned about inner child healing, which marked the start of getting to know my true self.

My job was no longer fun. The reflection in the mirror was not familiar. My mom and grandmother didn't like hanging out with me anymore since I would not drink with them. Like a caterpillar, I barricaded myself at home with books taking a break from dating, work, and going out. I even went to the ashram. I took the time to heal, and that is when I had my most transformational accident that deserves its own story. 

Virgin drinks with Katie

To celebrate my freedom from wheelchair, my dear friend, a talented healing facilitator, Katie Hopkins, invited me to a cacao ceremony. I didn't ask many questions about what it was because I was so humbled by the hospital experience and my helplessness that I was grateful to go where ever she'd take me. There was not much to the ceremony, we just sat in a circle with a cup of bitter brown liquid that I chugged as medicine, and we all cried talking about our lives. But there is more depth to my cacao story.

Today as I return to going out, I find no healthy drink alternatives that would make me feel as open and joyful as cacao. Although product sales are entirely new and uncomfortable territory, I am determined to bring awareness to this delicious superfood drink that creates healing heart-to-heart connections. So let me know when you want to try ceremonial cacao because I can't wait to make it for you!

Spiritual awakening goes smoother with ceremonial cacao